Conflict and conflict management

Conflict and conflict management

What it is

The focus of conflict management is on preventing conflict and where it does occur to resolve it quickly. Conflict can take on many forms but generally falls in three categories, namely:

1. Differences of opinion, meaning having different views;
2. Personality clashes and
3. Misunderstandings.

Why is conflict management important

If not dealt with conflict can lead to things like:

1. anger;
2. frustration;
3. fear;
4. anxiety;
5. hate and
6. many other negative emotions.

Such emotions can lead to inappropriate thoughts and behaviour and can cause a lot of discomfort and pain.

How to do it

Step 1: Resolving conflict starts at knowing why there is conflict. Spanning the three categories named above, possible reasons for conflict can include disagreement, clashes, differences, an argument, distrust, annoying behaviour, contradictions, tension or incompatibility between people or their views.

Step 2: Get control of yourself. This includes your emotions, thoughts and behaviour.

Step 3: Take time to think. Never act in the spur of the moment. Look at the facts, consider all sides of the issue, consider the perspective of the other parties and determine why you are aggravated / angry / unhappy. Also see if it is really worth getting upset about, meaning determine the validity of your frustration.

Step 4: Determine how to address the conflict situation, meaning focus on solving it, not on useless things like who is to blame, who to get back at etc. Different ways to deal with conflict includes:

1. Avoiding addressing the issue;
2. Compromise;
3. Attacking the person and
4. Constructively resolving the conflict.

Step 5: Constructive resolution of the conflict requires:

1. Confronting the parties involved in a non-confrontational manner;
2. Ask whether they are aware that they are causing conflict between you and them;
3. Use “I” statements to describe that what makes you unhappy (E.g. “I am unhappy if you interrupt me while I am speaking” or “It makes me feel ignored and disrespected if you do not look at me when you talk”);
4. Allow the other parties to respond and gain insight into the reasons for their behaviour and their perspective;
5. Clarify the difference in opinion and determine the merit for your opinion;
6. Describe what you want and hear what the other parties want;
7. Design a solution that will satisfy both parties by means of negotiation;
8. Agree on the solution and the way forward and
9. Implement the decision.

What not to do / says:

1. Never ignore or withdraw from conflict;
2. Never aim at “I win, you loose” conflict resolution;
3. Do not be unwilling to compromise;
4. Do not wait for the other person to initiate the problem solving process;
5. Never think conflict is only negative and
6. Do not leave conflict unresolved.