It seems that no matter how technologically advanced life becomes, “house work” does not seem to get less. We have washing machines and tumble dryers, but the laundry just keeps piling up. We have microwave ovens, but the dishes still need to be done, and dust just does not want to stay outside. Then there are the long working hours and travel time to and from work that reduces our time to get to those 101 chores; for which there is just not enough time!
The good news is that your teen can be involved in sharing the responsibility of cleaning the house – after all, it’s a small price to pay for all their “free” meals, medication, clothes, holidays while they live rent free. Now most of them will not like it, especially if they have not done chores before, but they need to learn that family life is about sharing responsibilities and providing support for one-another.
Getting them to realise this involves two steps:
- Step 1 is to help them understand why you need their help. For example, tell them how tired you are when you get home, how angry it makes you when you’ve cleaned something and they just dirty it up, how it makes you feel to do all the cleaning while they waste time watching television or plying on their phones, how “ignored / unloved” you feel when others don’t appreciate everything you do around the house etc. The aim is not to make them feel bad, it is to open their eyes and let them see what you do and how you feel having to do it all without getting any help. Remember, until we tell our kids what we experience they will simply accept that you are the person who will / must do everything in the house. Knowing how you feel and how much it will mean to you if they helped, should be enough to create a greater willingness in them to help.
- Step 2 involves using different “tricks” to make it easy for them to help. For example:
- A bit less. If you give your child spending money, begin to give it weekly, say on a Monday morning. Place the money of the following week in an envelope and then place it somewhere they can see it every day. Discuss and agree on the chores that need to be done and when. If a chore has not been done, take some of the money from the envelope. Do not say anything; just take out the money while they see you do it. They should learn quickly that the consequences of neglecting their duties will cost them dearly.
- Favour for Favour. Very often teens want you to do something for them such as taking them to a shopping mall, letting them sleep over at a friend or helping with homework. For such cases you can have a list of tasks or a box in which you keep pieces of paper with different chores written on them. When they need a “favour,” let them pick a task from the list or draw a piece of paper to determine which task they need to perform to get their “favour.” (Tip: Agree on when the task needs to be completed because they will not get any more “favours” from you until all outstanding tasks / chores have been completed.)
- Rotating list. Design a list whereby you rotate the tasks between the members of the family. You can use colour, stickers or pictures to beautify the list and then place it where it is visible to everybody.
- My chores. You can allow your teen to choose one chore they will readily accept to do and one they do not like doing. You and your spouse can then do the chores they really do not like. They must know that this is a conditional agreement, meaning that if they neglect the chores they, they will have to do one of the less liked chores the next week.
- Bonus incentive. You can give your teens a bit more money, a special treat (for example let them have pizza over the weekend) or extra airtime if chores were done as agreed.
- Working separately. When your kids fight a lot while doing chores, give them chores in different parts of the house or let them do the chores at different times.
- Income. As a rule, or in addition to any of the “chore management” methods above, you can also allow your teens to earn money. For each extra chore they do, you can give them money or let them build up points that can be converted into money or a favour later when they need it. This way they learn to save and plan ahead for things, like saving money for a new phone or clothes.
- Now and later chores. Some chores need to be done quickly or by a specific time while others can be done any time during the week.
For all the above methods to work you need to do two things. The one is to involve your teens in the discussion about the chores. This does not mean that they sit and listen while you talk. They must give input, come up with ideas and become part of the process through which your family decides how to deal with house chores. The second one is to get it in writing. Teens can forget easily and need to be reminded regularly, but in a non-nagging way. A list or schedule on the refrigerator or on the bathroom door will do the trick.
